A title in today's 'lifestyle' section of our newspaper:
"Keeping Friends" - Americans' inner circles are shrinking, despite technological innovations that make it easier than ever to stay connected
You can read the entire article at this address: http://www.azstarnet.com/accent/139382
The article goes on to state various reasons why there appears to be a 50% decline in the number of persons we consider "close friends", currently counted at 2 (one is a spouse), down from 3, in 1985. The suggestion? Susan Newman, a social psychologist at Rutgers University, attributes the decline in the number of close friends to be related to time and space. "We have less time to devote to our friends." she states. She also adds that "we need to be more intentional about hanging on to the friends we want, and less nervous about letting go of the ones we don't care about as much." (Does that sound harsh to you?)
Matthew Brashears, a researcher at the University of Arizona states that "It's possible, that the Internet and cell phones have led Americans to make a sort of trade. Instead of having three close friends you have coffee with on a regular basis, you might have two close friends and three more you e-mail regularly and talk to weekly on the phone."
So, what does this mean for the average American? Another interesting question - what does it mean for the average church family?
This article does not touch on those Americans who regularly attend church - something that should be bringing us closer together, and would probably change their research statistics. Yet, it is my observation that churches are having a more difficult time finding volunteers to handle servant roles - driving another member to the doctor; taking food for illness or bereavement; babysitting in the church nursery; teaching a Bible class; regularly picking up another member and driving them to church; sacrificing time to organize a women's retreat. Many of these servant roles are being handled by retired church members, members who have the time during the day to complete these needs. Not to down-play their service, but their serving does not relieve the rest of us from the responsibility.
Are we becoming too busy to serve God in our churches? Are we becoming too consumed with 'busy-ness' to maintain old friends and make new friends? Internet, computer, e-mail, instant messaging, blogging (yes, even that!), cell phones, pagers - all take us away from face-to-face contact with another living being. Don't misunderstand me, as I use all of the above mentioned tech tools regularly, as they help me stay in touch with family, especially my daughters, who don't live near me.
But, I wonder? In the time I've spent writing this blog, could I have called a friend and met for coffee? Or, sent a card to encourage a friend? Or ?
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2 comments:
I wonder if we now compensate as "techo-individuals" by holding more deeply to the "remnants" of friendships that once were "close" regardless of the limits of personal contact? I believe I do. It may be somewhat nostalgic, but perhaps more than that.
Deep friendships are a treasure but I'm finding the deeper my relationship with God is, the more deeply even a brief contact with an old friend graces my heart.
If both parties are progressively moving deeper into relationship with their mutual Creator, are they in turn moving closer to one another, though possibly separated in proximity?
Add to that dynamic the spiritual connectedness of mutually praying for one another and the boundaries of relationship (virtual, spiritual or otherwise)seems to begin expanding beyond comprehension.
Fascinating, isn't it?
Maybe just theory? Maybe not? I know we miss you, and the closeness we all once enjoyed, but still hold you and your family profoundly fond and in a very deep place in our hearts.
Great post!
No doubt that techno tools allow us to remain connected in ways previously not utilized. Remember meeting a friend at camp, then resorting to writing and using snail-mail to keep in touch? Communication dropped off until you reconnected at camp the next year.
Yet, the cement of a close friendship is often noted in the ability to resume as if no time or space separation, for which the techno tools help immensely!
We learned a lot by moving - moving from our home church, family and friends, even if only 125 miles down the road. And, we learned a lot by having our kids move away to attend college and start careers. I would have had a much more difficult time surviving the last 5 years of their college experience had the techno tools not been available.
That said, I'm guilty of spending way to much face-to-monitor time on the computer and not enough face-to-face time establishing new relationships. Ever look at the computer monitor as a big face? You do talk to it at times, don't you?
Thanks for your thoughts.
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